Face Your Fears
Do you know someone who has an intense fear of rejection intertwined with with ADD or ADHD? Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria! I said the words. Today, is National Face Your Fears Day. I am going to open up about some of my fears at the end of the post, but let’s be serious for a moment.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception – not necessarily the reality – that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their life. RSD may also be triggered by a sense of failure, or falling short – failing to meet either their own high standards or others’ expectations. – William Dodson, M.D.
R.S.D. means you are never good enough. An A- isn’t an A+, A varsity letter isn’t good enough when you aren’t the fastest, And yes it really starts as young as the children in the video above.
For me, it means I am a people pleaser, I am a worry wort. I am never good enough. You are going to fire me. You are going to divorce me. You don’t like me anymore because I used the wrong word.
It also means I lose myself. I become whatever I think you want me to be and I do it for everyone. I have had conversations that have basically been, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT? What makes you happy?
When I get pushed for answers, I will fall apart.
It also takes a great deal of effort to have any sense of humor. I am so black and white. There are no shades of grey much less colors. How can I be silly when I am not sure you will still like me?
One of the great things about Becoming 7, is it encourages me to dig deep and rediscover those things that bring me joy.
For every post you see I have:
- researched today’s national days
- researched today’s national food days
- researched events going on in my community
- paid attention to current events
- researched what movies are coming out
- overthought every road trip Bart and I take and wonder how and if it would fit into a post
- research giveaway ideas and what my readers might want to win because my love language is gifts and I love to give gifts
- worried if I offended my granddaughter’s family in anyway
- worried if my readers might be a customer at the pharmacy I work in and if I am politically correct enough
- used tags
- used alt text on photos to make sure if you google image search of the topic it will come up
- used yoast seo to try and get my pages to come up in the search engines
- shared the post to my social media accounts in hopes it might interest you and you might come to see what I was thinking
And when you think that was enough…. I then am grading myself using
- Google Anatalytics
- Gleam statistics
- views per post
And still, before you see anything, Bart has to see it. Writing what I am thinking isn’t good enough, I still have to have someone tell me that I am okay to post it
Sounds exhausting right? This isn’t even my day job. This is just one thing in my life.
So why do I do it? It goes back to the Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Is anyone reading this? Do they care what I write about? Do they like me? Do they know how hard I try to bring them joy? Am I where I should be? I have only been blogging for 5 months and I will ask myself, “Is 5,000 page views on my highest read post okay?”
About a year ago, I found a ted talk by a guy who decided to face his fear of rejection head on.
At the time, I planned to have people submit ideas for things for me to do or try to force me to face fears. Only my sister had any suggestions and they all involved food. It wasn’t meant to be at that time.
So on National Face Your Fears Day, I am going to try this again from now until January 19, 2017 I am giving you the opportunity to help me face my fears.
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