Dear Santa



Bah Hum Bug! I rarely say those words. This Christmas has been difficult at best.  While I try to keep the blog about rediscovering the joys of childhood, the blog is also an exploration of my thoughts and feelings. Today’s post is a BAH HUM BUG!

My grand daughter wanted the Trolls Sugar Cookie House. I bought it. Then I watched some youtube videos and thought there is no way a 5 year old will have the patience to do this. So, I wanted to make the Trolls Sugar Cookie House to surpise her. I was so frustrated I actually threw it away very early into my attempt to make it.

My husband has a lot of bad memories surrounding Christmas and gets quite depressed this time of year. It is hard to watch and try to help him through it.  He is anti Christmas decorating, Christmas movies, Christmas anything. I on the other hand LOVE Christmas. 10 years ago, when we met, I had a Christmas Notebook I made using the Holiday Grand Plan group. That notebook is somewhere in our storage unit and I don’t know where it is at.

I miss Christmas music.

The house did get decorated. It was not a fun day. It is difficult when your decorations are in storage. We are co-housing and the homeowners have their own decorations. So while it is decorated, in my opinion it is only sorta kind of decorated.

Christmas cards… so far we have gotten 4. Wow what a difference. In past years, I would send out hundreds and we would get tons of Christmas cards as well. It is painful thinking they only sent a card because I sent them one.  I am seriously thinking about mailing cards on April Fools Day or some other random day.

I miss baking. I loved to make apple cinnamon bread or banana nut bread. I like making peanut butter cupcakes and peanut butter cookies.  I loved my Better Homes and Garden cookbook. When I was a kid my mom would melt chocolate bark and dip ritz crackers in them with peanut butter between two crackers. Those were so good! My mom was the best as a kid with all the things she would make.

I miss having holiday parties and inviting people over and just socializing with them.

I miss cooking meals and enjoying them with my husband.

I miss buying presents, wrapping them, and putting them under the tree. This year I got a bottle of Midnight Rain by La Pairie and he got a bottle of Black Orchid by Tom Ford. We also got a set of tickets to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

My sister sent us each a box from Macy’s and my folks sent me $.

I got my grand daughter, Nevaeh (5), the Play Doh Dentist and the Little Live Pets Tweeting bird that she wanted.  We are also giving her an old lap top that we no longer use. My husband reformatted it . I picked up a fun looking box with pajamamas in it with glow in the dark paint markers that is washable so they can do it over and over again.

It seems that this year we are quite estranged from his two sons, his daughter in laws, and grandchildren. I have sent them presents in the past, but they make no effort to be part of our lives and it hurts. I don’t even know what Brandon (5)  or Aubri (2) want for Christmas this year. We are also estranged from my daughter.

My grand daughter (often featured in the blog) was adopted and we are close to her and her mommy. I am so grateful to her mommy and what a wonderful job she does taking care of her. I never know how to refer to her besides as my granddaughter’s mom. I think some people think she is like a daughter in law or something when I say that. In reality she and I are about the same age.

I just want a REAL CHRISTMAS. Floor to Ceiling. All month long. Grandkids and kids and extended family.

I want to go look at Christmas lights with someone, anyone. Working mostly  evenings makes it challenging.

I want live tree. I have never got to chop my own tree down, I think that would be so fun. I miss tinsel falling off the tree and onto the carpet..

I want to see carolers. Last year at Christmas, my grand daughter, her mommy, my husband and I went to look at lights. There was a crazy decorated neighborhood. My granddaughter and I would ring doorbells and then sing jingle bells when they answered the door.

I want the joy, the warmth, the feeling and spirit of Christmas to engulf me.

I am not sure how to fix the holiday blahs.

I did the Reddit Secret Santa. My giftee was great! She wanted a donation to toys for tots instead of a gift. I made that donation, a donation to joy jars, and then I found her amazon wishlist and sent her an item off it. My Santa was awesome! I got Nutter butters, Reese’s peanut butter cups, and a handmade Steelers throw blanket that is the most soft and fuzzy blanket ever!

I am doing the Reddit Holiday Card exchange. I have a funny card to send my person. My Santa for the card exchange has not even pulled my info. =(

We are doing secret Santa at work. I gave my person a leather bound journal and a Christmas Card. I don’t know when or what I will get from my Santa. I think I know who has me.

I have volunteered to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day along with New Years Eve and New Years Day. A lot of my co-workers have young children and I feel it is important for them to be with their children for the special day.

I thought about getting an Elf on the Shelf and hiding it around the pharmacy with little notes or doing silly things. I haven’t done it. I did look for an elf, but I didn’t find one. *Shrugs*

I did visit Santa this year!

I want to play in the snow. Have a snow ball fight. Go sleigh riding. Build a snowman. Make snow angels. Ride in a horse drawn carraige. Take a Christmas cruise to watch lights. Go to Macys in San Francisco to see the Puppies and Kittens windows. Collect letters to Santa and fulfill wishes. I want to see the Nutcracker. I want to watch children at their school concerts.

I simply want Christmas Magic to engulf me.

One thought on “Scrooge”

  1. welcome to the empty nest, I have many great memories of my grandmas house and all the family getting together. now i am the grandma and everybody is spread out all over. times do change and we must do our best to celebrate the birth of our Lord. i just heard of a new idea to me and that is to keep a seat open at supper for Jesus. a wondeful idea.

Leave a Reply